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My sense of humour.


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#41 Avon

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Posted 27 February 2020 - 02:52 PM

I'm writing this from a hospital bed due to poisoning from eating a daffodil bulb, thinking it was an onion.

 

They say I will be out in the spring.

 


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#42 Supercar

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Posted 27 February 2020 - 02:59 PM

I'm writing this from a hospital bed due to poisoning from eating a daffodil bulb, thinking it was an onion.

 

They say I will be out in the spring.

 

 

Probably a Spring Onion variant then :)


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#43 Avon

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Posted 07 March 2020 - 12:50 PM

Only two local newspapers reviewed the latest version of the play by Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities"

 

It was the Bicester Times and the Worcester Times.


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#44 cris1117

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Posted 17 March 2020 - 02:03 PM

John Travolta was hospitalised for a suspected Coronavirus. But doctors soon realised that it was only a Saturday Night Fever and he will be Staying Alive.


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#45 Supercar

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Posted 17 March 2020 - 04:04 PM

I have been isolated all day cutting overgrown grass in the garden got bit with a snake critical :)



#46 Lancelot

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Posted 17 March 2020 - 04:49 PM

Looks like covid has reached Germany, after towels were spotted on hospital beds.

 


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#47 Supercar

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Posted 19 March 2020 - 12:58 PM

Popular House Names

 

Attached File  covid19.jpg   12.8KB   1 downloads

 

 


Edited by Supercar, 19 March 2020 - 01:02 PM.


#48 Avon

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Posted 25 March 2020 - 05:56 PM

Prince Charles is isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19.
Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer-16.

 


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#49 Lancelot

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Posted 27 March 2020 - 09:28 PM

At 8pm last night I went outside to bring in the bins.
I got a standing ovation from all of the neighbours.


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#50 Lancelot

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Posted 28 March 2020 - 04:04 PM

If I leave my computer for a while, a picture of Sean Connery holding a razor comes on.

It's my screen shaver.


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#51 Supercar

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Posted 30 March 2020 - 09:36 AM

We are stopping two meaters apart I am having lamb shank and mrs having chicken breast for dinner.



#52 stimulator

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Posted 31 March 2020 - 03:01 PM

Had to buy a 7'6" bed today as I can't get 2meters apart in my 6ft from the other person in my bed. Haven't a clue who it is
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#53 Avon

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Posted 31 March 2020 - 05:35 PM

I asked the wife if she'd mind wearing a nurse's uniform.

She asked 'Why, are you wanting some fun?'.

I said 'No, we need some bread'.

 


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#54 Supercar

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Posted 31 March 2020 - 06:03 PM

Officers stopped a lady down a dark country lane wearing suspenders asked why she was out she said I am going to work


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#55 cris1117

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Posted 01 April 2020 - 10:55 AM

The kind way to split up with the wife using poetry.

The thought is suddenly dawning

Why I'm consistently yawning

For the past thirty years

You've bored me to tears

So ill be off in the morning.

 

Sean Lock (8 out of ten cats)


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#56 Lancelot

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Posted 01 April 2020 - 10:21 PM

I got the sack years ago from the ice cream factory because I refused to work on a sundae.


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#57 Lancelot

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Posted 07 April 2020 - 01:21 PM

I just read that Lions have sex times a day, Bugger, I've just joined Rotary.


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#58 Lancelot

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Posted 10 April 2020 - 01:05 PM

I used to have a fear of Speed Bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.

 


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Arctic Steel - of course!

#59 Lancelot

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Posted 11 April 2020 - 10:23 PM

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?

Dingo Star.

 

 


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#60 Supercar

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Posted 12 April 2020 - 05:57 PM

Well you heard it here first https://www.thestar....ockdown-2536780